My thoughts and tears are with you... / Leah Elston
I am so sorry that Ava is not in your arms where she belongs; as a bereaved mother myself, I know only too well the hole in our soul that will never be filled. Love Leah x* Close
Five./ Mummy
A strange thing,my darling. To think of you as five.
I stood in the store on the eve of your birthday, confused about where to start with buying little things for your garden for your birthday. Do I choose the things you would like now? At five? Is that Barbie yet? Or My Little Pony? Or do I keep to the things you loved at 3? If I bought something other than Dora that would mean that next year would be something different again. And then, at 9, and 15, and 21, I'd be lost. I could no longer guess what you'd love. I don't want to try to imagine you growing older nor do I want to imagine the things you might have liked. I will keep you at 3.
I wish I could say I planned to celebrate your day, to remember what made you so beautiful, to be grateful for the day you were born. But it's not like that. I just can't negotiate the "should have beens", they're too big. It just hurts too much. Maybe next year.
I hope you caught our balloons, superprincess. And I hope you loved the Dora one.
Amazing/ Katie Robinson (None)
What an amazing, brave family you are. Thank you for reminding what is truly important. I will hold my three babies a little tighter tonight. God bless you and guide you through these tender moments. Close
i read your blog often and just marvel at what a beauty your darling ava was/is and always will be....i just wanted to say that i can't imagine what you are going through as her 5th birthday came and went, but i wanted you to know i was thinking of your family and praying for you and holding your family close to my heart. happy birthday sweet ava, i hope you are catching all those balloons and floating on the clouds and can see only the smiles and never the tears....love, tara pakosta
Happy Birthday Darling Angel / Aunty Angie Weinert (Godmother and Aunty ) The gentle morning sun made golden stripes on my walls, through the blinds on my bedroom window. I was wrapped up in a cocktail of semi sleep and simply not wanting to open my eyes. There have been mornings since you learnt to fly, that before I open my eyes I am already crying and today was one of those mornings. Your beautiful mummy, says that those times are when you have been closest to me, and perhaps you need to let me know – by touching my soul so deeply that my heart cries. How – I wonder could you manage to touch me any deeper than you already have? Those moments in birth and in your learning to fly altered my perception of life. You gave me a gift that no years of travel or seeing life from jagged perspective had offered. You wove a beautiful invisible pink web around your parents and your brothers and sister and I - that has given me something I can’t explain. You included me in something so precious that as difficult as these moments are, birthdays, anniversaries, and morning when I wake up in tears – I can still find your beauty through the pain. I still find comfort in the blessing of knowing you, and the gifts you keep on giving me. I wanted you to be waking before dawn, to creep downstairs to uncover a hidden booty of birthday presents. I wanted you to feel that shy pride when everyone sings the off key but heartfelt “HAPPY BIRTHDAY”. I wanted to see you blow out five candles before your brothers did you the honour with their premeditated plan to steal the moment. Actually, maybe, secretly I wouldn’t mind the interjection of Luca and Masons humour but I would of course pretend to be horrified for your benefit, and no doubt you would get a second chance to make your wish. Now second chances and wishes, I have come to understand – are moments that don’t seem to come around too often. I was afraid of time, afraid of healing, afraid of somehow feeling that life found some kind of level. This very day last year, I remember so well. I was angry at the wind for taking your balloons too fast, I resented those who laughed innocently within earshot and I sat alone in my contemplation of what that day should have been like. But today, even though I woke to tears, will be a day that is fit for a Super Princess. Of course, it goes without saying that I will light your candles and fly your pink balloons – but I will eat as much ice cream as I possibly can (pink of course) and drink sweet milky tea from a pink tea set on a blanket laid for you. I will recount my every happy memory of you, and I will feel your little hand in mine, because darling I know you are with me. The morning tears will always come to me, on those unexpected moments when I wake – but the joy of your life and the gifts you keep on giving to me will also never stop. Happy Birthday Beautiful Girl. I love you. I miss you. I feel you and I thankyou for being so close to me this morning. You TRULY are an angel. Close
Happy Birthday Super Princess / Sylvia
Happy 5th Birthday Super Princess
Thinking of you and your family every single day
Lots of Love, Sylvia and kids Close
HAPPY 5th BIRTHDAY AVA! / Lea (Friend of Mummy's )
Happy Birthday Sweetheart!
I hope up in heaven today you are having a beautiful party and playing amongst your pink clouds. Look down on us all & wait for your balloons! I love to think of you smiling that super princess smile & giggling with glee as they float up to meet you.
Thank you for teaching me so much, I am a different Mummy now because of you. The girls and I have more fun, enjoy our lives, surround ourselves with people we love and don't worry about the small stuff anymore.
Twirl and sing and dance today sweet baby and remember you are so loved and so missed by so many people.
I accidently found this site, i wanted to find a photo of balloons. So i wrote 'balloons' in flickr and i found a beautifull picture with the title Ava's balloons. The funny thing is that i never read the comments above the images but i don't know what made me to start reading the comments this time...i was shocked!By using the links i found Ava,s site and i read the story of her...life...so young it's a pitty! When such things happens the only thought that looks reasonable to me and soften the pain from my heart is that God needs angels up in heaven so he takes them with him. I am sure that Ava is one of them! The ''Angel in pink"! Never forget her...I will not...God bless you all...
Bless you all. I stumbled across your beautiful website by accident. I was actually looking at cupcakes and happened upon one that is dedicated to your angel. I can only imagine your grief, I looked after a mother who spent the night with her baby boy who had the same accident as Ava. I too have a beautiful 3 and a half year old girl. She is also my little princess and it truely breaks my heart to think of ever loosing her. However, unfortunately you can't always be there to protect your babies. You have touched my heart and I do hope that this dedication and tributes are helping to ease some of your pain.
I have just found this link, and i cant tell you how sorry i am to read about your little Ava, my daughter is the same age, and reading you describe Ava sounds just like me describing Cameron, she picks her own clothes, doesnt like her hair being tied prettily, much to my horror most of the time.. Im so glad i had my little girl too after having two boys, and although she is a handful im lucky to have her... please know that i pray for you all, and for little Ava, she really is an angel.. God only takes the best..
take care and (((Hugs))) from the Ainslies (Sharon, Davie, Nicholas, Nathan and Cameron) in Scotland. xxxxx
the ebb and flow / Aunty Angie Weinert (Anty and Godmother )Read >>
the ebb and flow / Aunty Angie Weinert (Anty and Godmother )
My darling Ava. How you have changed my life. How you have changed the lives of so many. I can see so many positive things that have come out of the tragedy we have suffered in losing you and for most part, I cling to those things like I’m holding on to the only tree in a flood of water rising. Sometimes that water rises so fast and I can do nothing to save myself from the emotion. I don’t want you to be a little girl who is remembered in photographs on a memorial site. I don’t want balloons to be let go. I don’t want to light a candle for you in a far away continent in an ancient church, under the patron saint of children. I don’t want to hear the sadness in my sisters voice on days when I know from just a tone, that her hear is breaking over and over. I just want you to be here. One day I watched you come out of nanny’s room in a long flowing dress. Your hair was loose about your face and it seemed to me like it was spun from gold. You had bare feet. You looked at me and in that instant I felt my heart fill with awe, with pride and with something else. A feeling I cant describe. As a mother of two children who I adore and cherish like they are gods greatest gifts – I looked at you in that moment and saw the most beautiful child I had ever seen. When you were born, and your exhausted mummy and daddy could hold there eyes open for not a second longer, they trusted me to hold you in your first precious hours. We just peered into each others eyes. I am sure you were as in awe of me as I was of you. Everything was new for you. A face. A sound, a song. For weeks if not months after I saw you being born I looked at the world in wonder and awe, not unlike a newborn. Today at the memorial ceremony, I looked on in disbelief that your photo was there with the other angels who had been lost at the Mater. The day you went isn’t something that needs to be spoken of right now, but I want you to know that as painful as losing you was I am honoured that you felt ok to make that journey with me beside you. I see just how sweet your precious soul is, that you would wait that moment that your mummy and daddy had to go to your brothers and sisters – to protect their already broken hearts. I remember your brothers swinging on the love swing at Nanny’s – with you in the middle between them. I sat perplexed, worried that they would swing too high. I watch it like a movie in my mind. There is nothing I can do but wait for the water to recede in these moments. I am drowning in my tears and the tears of you mother and father. I am drowning in the tears of all the parents who have lost the ability to hold their babies in their arms. When it does eventually go down, I will still be clinging to that tree, but perhaps I can take the hand of my sister, and of her loving husband who share that tree with me and we can hold each other instead. Maybe we can hold the hands of all the parents, aunties, uncles brothers and sisters, cousins grandparents and friends who also fear the inevitable rising tide of grief and together we can not feel so alone. Thankyou to all the parents, families and friends who came to the Mater Hospital today to honour the memories of our babies taken all too soon. Sheye I am so proud of you for the strength you showed today. I am proud of the strength you and Crayton show everyday of your lives.
My heart aches for you and your family. I hope that you can find some peace in the fact that you showed your precious little girl what love is. She was loved, and she knew it. Your lovely daughter will always be your extra guardian angel. My prayers are with you and your family, including Grandpa.
I'm at a loss for words...I am so sorry for your loss. I wish your family more strength and support each day. I can't even imagine your heartache. God Bless all of you, Sheye, Crayton, Luca, Mason & Ivy.
Tribute/ Joss Zakostelsky
Even though I heard your story from a friend, I couldn't help but cry when reading Ava's story. She was such a beautiful little girl. Having set up this site I am sure has not only helped your family but others who have also experienced such a tragic loss. It is a magical way to keep your beautiful little girls spirit alive. Close
my prayers / Mel
your story was beautiful and heartbreaking to read. such a short life, but filled with an extraordinary amount of life and happiness many children never see their whole lives. i have passed her story on to everyone i know. it took courage to write this story, but i know it will bring awareness to many and save lives. god bless you and your family. Close
Passing on my condolences / Leighanne Smith Read >>
Passing on my condolences / Leighanne Smith
Sheye,
I would like to offer my condolences to you and your family on losing such a gorgeous little angel. As hard as your story must have been to tell, I thank you very much for sharing it. I will always carry Ava's memory around with me very close to my heart. You write so beautifully (like I was there too) and your photos are magnificent.
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